The first stages of being a neglectful parent is being uninformed...and that starts with uninformed pregnancy. Women (and their husbands) who basically leave the entire procedure of birthing their child to a gynecologist who really is interested in nothing more than to slice the woman open so he or she can bag that extra C-section cash. Yeah. They make more with a C-section. Now its not my place to knock medicated births, but it is a known fact that infants born through medicated births (i.e. epidural, etc.) come out eyes closed and practically stoned from the chemical crap flowing through their blood stream. Granted, I'm a guy. What do I know about the pain of childbirth? Well, I know this. The pain a woman goes through in recovery from medicated birth is ten times the pain a woman experiences in natural birth. Recovery time is longer for medicated birth and the mom doesn't have energy to take care of her baby.
There is a wealth of information on pregnancy and childbirth that many Jewish parents in the frum sector don't really care to look at. The understanding is "Ze doctor is smart and zey vil tell me ven to poosh." So many women just don't want to take their birth into their own hands, as if its information they are incapable of handling because it involves medicine. Maybe they don't look at it with their husbands because its mamish not appropriate for a man to look at a diagram of a woman's mokoym. In any case, its downright foolish not to know about this insanely stressful procedure you (or in a man's case, your wife) will go through.
I told this joke years ago and its sad but true.
Chassidishe woman waddles into the Maimonides triage.
They ask her "Whaaat iiis yooour naame?"
She answers "Epidural."
Taking good care of your child starts with how they are born. Wouldn't you want to make sure your fragile little baby comes int this world in the best way possible? Nowadays doctors encourage the use of forceps and vacuums and all sorts of hellish instruments to remove babies from the womb. Birth is a natural process and it should be done naturally. To all those angry women who are again saying "You pigheaded fool! What could you possibly know about childbirth pain?!" To them I say, talk to a woman who has given birth naturally. Talk to a midwife. A doula. These people believe in the natural process of childbirth and how it should be conducted. I'm not into the whole hippie, granola crunching thing. I like my SUVs and red meat as much as the next gun toting maniac, but when it comes to childbirth, I believe its natural all the way. To all those expecting couples out there, try it. Its the first step to being a good parent. Your baby will thank you.
The truth is, I could rant on and on about this subject for days. Maybe I'll do a part two on this topic. In the meantime, here are some links to some info on the subject at hand for those who don't know where to look:
National Geographic - In the Womb
Laugh and Learn about Childbirth
Laugh and Learn about Newborn Baby Care
What to Expect when you're Expecting
I really think you need to watch what you say about childbirth. I don't know what your experience was like but everyone has a different experience. You CANNOT JUDGE!
ReplyDeleteBTW, I had a midwife and a doula and I still ended up needing a C-section.
You cannot judge someone just because they get an epidural. I was in a huge amount of pain when my friend, who is a nurse in an OBGYN office, told me to not worry about the side effects and get an epidural. My daughter was born eyes open, responsive, and ready to nurse. I was totally able to care for my child after my C-section.
Another point, doctors no longer encourage the use of forceps and vacuums. Get your facts straight and keep your opinions about other people's childbirth to yourself.
First of all, I am entitled to my opinions. My opinion is based on a general consensus of what I've heard from many many women, from research I've done and things I've heard from several nurses who I am well acquainted with.
ReplyDeleteI expected this kind of response. Needing an emergency C-section is not what I was talking about.
You are right to say every woman is different. The lesser point I was trying to get across was that many women rush to medicate before considering natural options. The main idea I was trying to convey was that many Jewish women in the frum sector consider it okay to get pregnant and have children without being informed about the process. This is a problem and unfortunately it is very common. I cannot judge a woman who has made an informed decision about whether or not to get medicated during labor. I do however completely disagree with the idea that frum Jews think its okay to leave all the decision making up to the health care provider. Ignorance is not excusable. Ever.
Again, the point was, being an uninformed expecting parent is a form of neglect in child care.
"it is a known fact that infants born through medicated births (i.e. epidural, etc.) come out eyes closed and practically stoned from the chemical crap flowing through their blood stream."
ReplyDeleteok. and what are the implications of this "fact." e.g., are the apgar scores lower?
" frum Jews think its okay to leave all the decision making up to the health care provider"
my impression is the opposite. as birthers, frum women are very independent and "motivated" (as my wife's OB calls them). c-section and epidurals are probably less common than in the general population.
> First of all, I am entitled to my opinions.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are. But making empirical claims is not a matter of opinion. If you say the sky is green, you’re just wrong. You made several empirical claims, such as:
“a gynecologist who really is interested in nothing more than to slice the woman open so he or she can bag that extra C-section cash.”
“it is a known fact that infants born through medicated births (i.e. epidural, etc.) come out eyes closed and practically stoned from the chemical crap flowing through their blood stream.”
“The pain a woman goes through in recovery from medicated birth is ten times the pain a woman experiences in natural birth.”
And you are wrong.
> when it comes to childbirth, I believe its natural all the way.
In natural childbirths, the mother dies as often as not. That’s natural. A sterile environment, a doctor (or medically trained midwife), tools, medications, etc. are not natural.
Getting vaccines for your child isn’t natural either. All in all, “natural” is overrated.
When i said "natural all the way" i didnt mean deliver a baby in a vat of eucalyptus oil in your apartment while burning sage.
ReplyDeleteI basically was saying don't interfere with nature unless its going to be dangerous. Natural birth in a hospital gives the mom the support she might need in case of an emergency.
As for some of my other comments, watch this. All of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdsHkZPdSYQ
(If the link is broken look for "The Business of Being Born")
I don't believe everything they say here because they obviously have an agenda, but much of what they say is in line with what I'm talking about.
> When i said "natural all the way" i didnt mean deliver a baby in a vat of eucalyptus oil in your apartment while burning sage.
ReplyDeleteNow you’re confusing “natural” with “New Age.”
> I basically was saying don't interfere with nature unless its going to be dangerous.
I’d bet you don’t consistently apply that principle. To take the idea to absurd extremes, using a computer is not “natural,” and not using a computer is not at all dangerous. Yet here we are.
> Natural birth in a hospital gives the mom the support she might need in case of an emergency.
If you’re in a hospital, then you’re not having a natural birth. It seems that by natural birth you mean without painkillers. Even if it is true as you claim that in most cases where the mother has an epidural the baby is born groggy, so what?
actually youre wrong about the whole c-section thing. Its a negative for the doctor asnd the hospital as well to have to perform a c-section. Thats why in many cases (myself included) you will find that the dr. encourages the woman to push as long as she possibly can in the hopes that she will give birth naturally and not need a c-section.
ReplyDeleteAlso you are entitled to your opionion however, and im not trying to be rude becuase im sure you have read up on this and asked questions liek youve said but, you are a male and unless you have M.D. next to your name and have delivered babies beofre, please don't try and give advice to woman on childbirth it will never under most circumstance go over well. Becuase bottom line you have never physically experienced it and being that you never will, most woman don't want to hear all your "ideas" on childbirth
While you make some interesting points about thinking things through for yourself throughout the birth experience, I have to wonder at the broad brush with which you paint the various types of birth experiences women may have. Negligence because someone gave birth in a way you describe as non-ideal? Choose your words wisely. I can see that this is a fairly new blog, and my recommendation is that you've got to be very careful about throwing terms around and equating things in hyperbolic terms.
ReplyDeleteYour wife has seemingly managed to experience birth according to yours and her standards. Hopefully that will be the case for all of your children. Anything is possible, though, and it's best not to set yourself up for only accepting one type of situation. You risk feeling like a failure needlessly. There are many paths to get to the joys and bracha of a new baby.
My first 3 children were born with an epidural. During the first of those, the doctor needed to use vacuum extraction. During the second and third pregnancies, I was on medication to stop preterm labor. I had pitocin during two of my births, and my fourth baby was born without an epidural. Each birth was vastly different, and each was thankfully a positive, wonderful experience in its own way. I look at none as more correct or acceptable than the other. There was very little difference in the recovery process, aside from the first, which is harder for most people regardless of the other circumstances. I certainly did not experience a recovery that was 10 times easier without an epidural, something you cite as "fact".
Blithely referring to c-sections and other types of births you deem less-than-natural in the terms you use is, at best, judgmental and condescending, and at worst, apt to cause a needless tragedy if a set of first-time expectant parents reads this 'advice' and stubbornly insists on having things their way when an experienced OB-Gyn realizes that the situation warrants safe intervention. I'm fairly certain that if a baby was in distress, he/she would rather go through the birth journey in as safe and smooth a way as possible, and not according to a plan made in advance based on some unyielding preconceived and possibly false, notions. If you truly feel (and not based on propagandist movies) that your doctor is only in it to increase his/her bottom line and does not have your safety and interests at heart, it may be time to find a doctor you're more comfortable with.
Calling all except for one or so of the vast range of possible safe birth options 'negligent' is a slippery slope. There are those who think along these lines http://blogs.babycenter.com/celebrities/mayim-bialiks-childbirth-regrets/ and THAT is the real face of neglect.
MP is full of it on this one. Babies born to mothers who have epidurals DO NOT have lower apgar scores and ARE NOT developmentally delayed. The anesthetic DOES NOT rob their little brains of oxygen.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, a lot of women who have births without anesthetics or analgesics ABSOLUTELY DO suffer excruciating pain the likes of which this guy cannot possibly imagine.
This post just reeks of the sort of BS that accompanied the first medicated childbirths. The good religious people thought it was a blasphemous outrage because it made the process less painful. "In pain you will bring forth children."